Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
