you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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