My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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