let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
