I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
