Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
