just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
