I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
