i just wanna soil my oats bro
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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