I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You pole danced in your parka.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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