you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
