I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
