omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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