the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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