my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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