when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
