how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
