I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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