I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
