hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
