I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Help. Why am I so naked?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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