The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
