I'm gonna have a badass scar
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
