also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
