You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
