I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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