my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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