I look better un-naked...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
