I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize