Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize