I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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