I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
