you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize