im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
