hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
