you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
