My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
