you win again, gameday.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
