on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
