Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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