can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
