HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
