apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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