Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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