I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
