worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
