On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
