i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
