No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
