if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
