Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
