I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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