Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
