She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just want to make out with him forever
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
