I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
