she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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