i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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