Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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