she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
